Hands Off My Elephant Lamp!

So I get out of the shower and return to my room (actually, the guest room of the Winstead house), and I realize that someone has been in there in my absence: the fan has been turned on. I do what anyone would--that is, I get dressed (car-and-truck tunic, red leggings), grab George, and run down the street to play checkers with my friends.

Later, Wayne and I discover that the intruder has been back. This time, he has turned on the elephant lamp! Much throwing open of closet doors ensues, but no one is there, not even in the deepest recesses of the basement workshop.

When Cutlery Attacks

So Wayne and I are packing to move, and we're making really good progress. Then out of nowhere the cutlery goes on the attack and starts breaking all of our ceramic knick-knacks.

Post Apocalypse II

So Wayne has determined that some cataclysmic weather event is about to take place, and we have to go to Mesa, Arizona in order to survive it. We gather together a small band of people to make the trip, but we can't actually travel until the cataclysm nears. Wayne forgets to pack my black turtleneck and jeans, so we go to Old Navy and charge up a bunch of clothes. And why not? By the time the bill comes due, the earth will have been all but destroyed.

Soon, we discover that the people we have assembled are losers, as all they want to do all day is smoke pot and play badminton. So Wayne and George and I strike out for Arizona on our own in our minivan.

[I really want a minivan.]

Post Apocalypse I

So I'm about thirteen and living with a few other people in an enclave of aluminum-sided ranch houses in the middle of a desert. Robert Duvall comes with horses to save us, but we can't leave until we see the dust from the enemy's horses and know which way they are approaching. We see the dust! We mount up to leave!

I have to go back for my purse.