Lincoln at Gettysburg

Gettysburg. 1863. President Lincoln is attending the theater, attired in a suit made of an American flag.

It turns out John Wilkes Booth does a pretty good stand-up comedy routine.

When the word comes through that there has been a threat to the President's life, all in attendance draw their guns, eager to defend him, and those of us travelling with the President (e.g. me and Mark Twain) pull him down behind a balcony and escape to the parking lot.

We quickly clothe the President in the uniform of an Union soldier (I mean, really, the flag suit is a dead give-away) and hustle him into an SUV. As we peel out of the lot, I realize that someone is giving me a massage.

[Intermission to reposition George, who is running his toenails down my back in his sleep.]

The drive to our hideout takes us through some beautiful swampland. I think I see an Anhinga, but it might just be a Cormorant, I'm not really sure, and I don't have my bird book with me. I point out to the President the walruses and carnivorous rabbits.

Arrived at our hideout, I need to text my mom to tell her why I can't join her for church in the morning, but George keeps plyaing with the buttons on my iPad and I can't get the message to go through.